CEO is the best part-time job

I've discovered some great jobs that demand much less time than I was led to believe, and a whole lotta monkeys are not missing the stigma at all. It all makes sense when you consider:

• Do I get my birthday off? Clearly, the easiest part-time job in the world is Chief Executive Officer. Elon Musk is supposedly in charge of at least four companies, which makes each one 25% of a job, and then he spends most of his day tweeting. Maybe if he spent more time running SpaceX, fewer of their rockets would explode. Just sayin’.
• Lotsa personal days? Apparently, the same part-time attendance is no problem for other jobs, including Senator, Governor and even Vice President. They’re really critical, 24/7 roles with crises and deadlines and no time to sleep, unless you’re running for president or vice president or something. Then you can be out of the office indefinitely and still get paid as if you were at your desk, tending to the people’s business.
• A gift from the distant CEO. Meanwhile, the new CEO of Starbucks negotiated a deal that lets him run the company without having to live near headquarters, commuting as needed on the company jet. I know it sounds like just another CEO perk, but it’s really a gift to all the headquarters staff and their families. Historically, companies have had a strange bias toward moving their headquarters to wherever the CEO lived, upending the lives of workers who must either move or find work elsewhere. I’m sure all Starbucks HQ staff are grateful for the CEO’s sacrifice on their behalf. 
• It wasn’t the masks? Recent studies indicate that kids entering kindergarten today are less prepared for school than people in that age group before the pandemic, even though they didn’t lose any class time when schools were closed. Maybe it was all the developments of the time, including family stress, quarantines, deaths, et al that combined to affect even the littles and not any specific thing we dislike politically.
• Name blame. In contagion news, Mpox is spreading rapidly, killing hundreds and threatening to march across the globe. On the positive side, no monkeys will be ostracized for the epidemic. 
• Trauma queens. As I get to know more about the people in my universe, it’s hard to find any who didn’t go through some type of trauma on their journey to today. Yes, there are a rare few whose lives have been idyllic, but most have just learned to deal with the scars and carry on. It makes me wonder why we’re so unforgiving when we see other people in crisis.
• Follow the money, and the submarines. Whenever I see some controversy online, one simple way to find the truth is by checking in with the people who have skin in the game. The Navy is looking at the impact of global warming on submarine maneuverability through the Arctic, so it’s real. Big-time investors stayed in the market through the Kamala crash, so it isn’t.
• Absolutely not. There are a few questions that can always be answered with one word: No. “For instance: Am I the only one who…” “Is it just me, or…”
  

Next week, we'll figure out whether the guys I met on the street are entrepreneurs or panhandlers, because it's really a toss-up until a couple of decades from now. You'll want to become a subscriber to learn the truth.  

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