Great news ahead in 2025

I took a lot of heat last week after posting my 2025 Year in Review. People said, “Sir, you are a genius and, Sir, you are 150% correct as always, but also, Sir, isn’t there any good news to share?” Yes, Virginia, there is good news and we are delighted to let you in on the top 20 feel-good stories you’ll be feeling good about in 2025, including:

1. Bitcoin hits an incredible $250,000 per bit, or maybe it’s per coin. Nobody knows, but the price can only go up from here, as long as nobody tries to spend one.
   
2. Now that everyone is using AI nonstop, we no longer need to double check on Snopes to find out if a post is fake. Yes, absolutely, it is.
3. Peace will reign on social media, now that all the lefties have deserted Twitter to talk among themselves on Blue Sky and all the righties can commiserate without a bunch of liberal whiners invading Muskville. Until the bots show up, of course.
4. As of January 6, when the Republicans take control of both House and Senate, the national debt will cease to be an issue facing America.
5. As of January 20, with one party in control both Congress and the Presidency, we can expect a new era of calm and cooperation in the federal government. 
6. Business owners who were afraid of the taxes they might pay if they ever became billionaires will finally be able to put their fears to rest.
7. We’re bringing God back in a big way. For example, it will be considered an Act of God and not an act of negligence when your Tesla bursts into flames.
8. Insurance companies will make so much money from Act of God exclusions that an extra 27 people will be approved for heart surgery and 40,000,063 more men will be able to obtain free Viagra.
9. We won’t need a passport to visit Canada, Mexico, Greenland or Panama after they join the Union. Even better, China will beg to become our 55th state after they go broke paying all those tariffs.
10. None of us will be searching the night sky for alien drones, now that killer bees are back on the march.
11. There won’t be any storms or data breaches or fires or disease outbreaks “Of the Century” in 2025, because we’ve already experienced nothing but “Of the Century” crises since Y2K arrived.
12. Now that the nation’s leading character witnesses have sons named Enrique Tarrio, Pete Hegseth, and Elon Musk, everyone who has even thought of becoming a scumbag will be much nicer to THEIR moms this year.
13. Our cell phone bills are plunging now that we’re down to only 250 texts per day, versus 14,389 in November, from Act Blue.
14. The Eras Tour is finally over, so we don’t have to pay attention to a person who is much younger, more talented, more successful, more popular, and infinitely more beloved by our children.
15. The battle over working from home and returning to the office will finally be won as AI takes over all the jobs in America and nobody with a pulse is working anywhere.
16. 2024 was a mess, but there’s a new self-help system they’ll be writing about in January that is absolutely guaranteed to turn everything around, and in a good way, before St. Patrick’s Day.
17. Junk mail will be a thing of the past, as all mail becomes a thing of the past, in a massive government restructuring. No more opening the mailbox to find dozens of new bills, so we can spend as much as we want with no consequences.
18. Filet mignon will be much, much cheaper, or at least it will seem that way as avian flu sends egg prices soaring. Again.
    
19. Speaking of which, we’ll finally have a chance to use all those spare face masks left over from Covid days as HN51 makes the leap from birds to cows to humans.
20. Global warming will disappear as all the smoke from California wildfires blocks out the sun from June through eternity.

Clearly, 2025 is going to be a really great year filled with all kinds of good news. Betcha can’t wait, can you?
 
 
 
 
 

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