Nobody needs to die for this one

I was playing a trivia game when I learned that there wasn’t a single working telephone in the United States during Alexander Graham Bell’s funeral. As a sign of respect to Bell’s memory, they suspended phone service across the country for one full minute…60 glorious seconds.

They did the same thing in Canada, which used to be an ally before we started loading 800% tariffs on every single thing they send us and they retaliated by dumping a gazillion tons of forest-fire smoke across the border.

Bell’s honor was nothing compared to Will Rogers, whose death resulted in America’s radio networks suspending all broadcasts for half an hour in 1935. People had lives then, so it wasn’t as big a deal, but imagine that much serenity today.

Clearly, they were a lot smarter back then than we are now. Moments of silence, especially moments that last an hour or more, would do us a lot of good. We’d all be so much better off if major events led us to shut down social media traffic or if cable news shows went dark, even if only for a few minutes.

We can have minutes/hours of silence to mark a major death, of course, but why not expand the concept to honor achievements of the living? We could, for example, observe an hour of silence every time:

• Donald Trump ends a war.
• Liberals announce another word we’re not allowed to use anymore.
• The Justice Department delays release of the Epstein files.
• Politicians respond to devastation with thoughts and prayers.
• Taco Bell is linked to a disease outbreak.
• Republicans refuse to admit Trump lost in 2020.
• Democrats sabotage their chances of winning elections.
• AI investments fail to pay off.
• Florida gets hit by this year’s 400th “Storm of the Century.”
• Downed power lines spark deadly fires in California.
• Elon’s cars/rockets/robots explode.
• RFK Jr. eats something disgusting.
• A politician admits to having an affair. Or two. Or three.
  

Really, the list of possibilities is endless. It’s almost the same as a drinking game, but with less liver damage.

The more I think about it, the more I’m liking this idea. If we work at it, we could end up with enough “moments” of silence that we can enjoy hours of peace every single day. We could reject every unwanted comment or pointless meme with a single message: “I’m sorry I cannot respond during this moment of silence.” It’s so much more polite than STFU, and probably just as effective.

Shhhhhhhh.

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