So many questions on Mother's Day Lite

Welcome to Father’s Day, also known as Mother’s Day Lite, a day so important that it only took our nation six decades after the first Mother’s Day to add fathers to the holiday calendar.

“Hmm, we have a special day to honor all the mothers? Is there anyone else we might want to recognize? I dunno, maybe we should think about it for 58 years.”

Bitter? I’m not bitter. You’re bitter.

Long-time subscribers know this is not exactly my favorite holiday, and I’m not alone in that feeling. On average, people said they planned to spend $259 on Mother’s Day this year, but Father’s Day spending plans came in at $199, fully one quarter less than for dear old mom.

Rodney Dangerfield wasn’t the only guy who can’t get no respect.

When I was a kid, back when dinosaurs ruled the earth, we respected dads. Hell, there was even a TV show called Father Knows Best and—here’s the crazy part—the father on the show really did know best. And that was even before Jim Anderson went to medical school. (Yes, it’s an obscure reference, but I like to think of it as an Easter egg.)

And Jim Anderson wasn’t the only dad we respected. There was Ward Cleaver and Lucas McCain and Andy Griffith and even Jed Clampett, who was also a great dancer. (Another Easter egg. I am on a roll.) That was an era when you didn’t have to wait for your father to come home, because dadly wisdom was always available on TV.

Dads have fallen behind in popular culture, though, and our current role models are Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin, but they are hardly alone. When I searched for the most-inept father on television, the AI response was: It's difficult to definitively name "the most-inept" television father, as many sitcom and drama characters portray varying degrees of ineptitude.

The whole Father’s Day concept seems to bring up more questions than answers for me. For example:

• If dad spends Sunday morning playing golf and then he takes a nap while mom makes dinner, how will he know it’s Father’s Day?
  
• Why do so many dads do the caveman routine and fire up the grill to make dinner on Father’s Day, but not on Mother’s Day? Maybe people spend so much more on Mother’s Day because they’re going to a restaurant instead of the back yard.
  
• Does anyone hire a physical trainer to help them get a dad bod? Can a dad bod ever be a turn-on, even if it’s only to women who are tired of grandfather bods?
• Why is the worst and corniest humor referred to as “dad jokes?” We’re funny, dammit, and puns are the highest form of hilarity. I actually had a couple of zingers once, even though I’m too old to remember what they were. But they were really, really good. Trust me.
• Now that dad is working from home, what kind of gift can he expect? He isn’t wearing a tie, pen sets are out, he already has dozens of “Number One Dad” coffee cups… Hmmm, I’m beginning to see why people just pass along gift cards like they were last year’s fruitcake.
• Actually, the whole work-from-home thing is probably a big plus. It must have been really embarrassing on the Monday after FD when two guys showed up at the coffee machine with identical “World’s Best Dad” coffee cups. Kung fu fighting, everyone?
• Why is it Father’s Day and not Dad’s Day? I don’t know anyone who walks in the door and yells, “Father, I’m home.” “Dad” is so much friendlier and warm, although I’d stop there. “Daddy” would just seem to cross a line or two. Or three.

TBH, I already know the answers to all these questions, since I’m one of those old-school dads that knows best, even if I’m not much of a dancer. That's why I've made plans to spend the entire day enlightening my kids with my incredible wisdom. I know they cannot wait for the experience. 
 
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