We need more spoilers, so stay alert

The woman at the next table is gushing loudly and continuously to her friend about how brilliant her new niece is.

It turns out—and this is a big shock—babies are smart and they seem to be learning new things all the time. And, who would’ve guessed, her niece turns out to be really curious about the world around her. Who could have predicted that? Well, everyone.

You see it all the time, that sudden sense of discovery, when some random person enters a phase of life that has only been experienced by 7 billion people before. Whether it’s sex for teenagers or taxes for new jobholders, all of us are big-time explorers throughout our lives.

Perversely, even the greatest adventurers among us never actually discover anything. We just find something WE haven’t encountered before and, when we tell someone older about it, they work hard to stifle a yawn.

Been there. Done that. Welcome to the party.

Maybe it would spoil the fun, but part of me thinks we should have a giant set of spoiler alerts for people who need to know what’s around the next corner. They’d be flags more than spoilers, offering an early indicator of changes ahead. 

I think about this a lot as my grandkids get ready to experience new flume rides on their journeys from babyhood to child to teen and, if I live that long, adulthood. Should I tell them about the irritating kids they’ll meet as their social circles grow? Should I tell them about the increasingly powerful level of competition they’ll face as they get older and get thrown into bigger pools of talent? Should I try to explain puberty and hormones and their upcoming rebellion against their parents? Or, is it best to just leave it alone and let them know that it’s normal…after it happens?

Life is full of surprises, although I’m not sure we can call them surprises when most are 100% predictable. How much better might it be if we had a guidebook to let us know what’s coming up? Would it make life more manageable, make it easier to adapt, or would it take the joy out of discovery?

Without a doubt, we’d flag the negative things: the cliques they’ll encounter in high school, the friends who will walk away, the people who will be picked ahead of them. Mostly, we’d be alerting them to a million disappointments that will make them more capable as adults, but only after they’ve paid a very high price. Would they become more confident, or more fearful, as they learn which shoe will drop next?

Looking back, I wonder if I would have been able to handle some disappointments more productively if I had had some idea they were coming. Perhaps I would have thought of better responses and dealt more effectively with them, or maybe I would’ve been so overwhelmed by a looming disappointment that I would have overreacted before anything happened.

So, which is it? Do we tell our younger family members what to expect and how to deal with it or do we let them discover it on their own and, while dabbing their tears, say it was to be expected?

Looking for responses on this post, so please share your perspective. Is it better to warn them, or just let it unfold? And, while you're at it, click here to subscribe.

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