It turns out I owe Betty an apology. A few weeks ago, I railed about her and how she was treated so much better than I am and I admitted to my absolute jealousy over the special opportunities people were strewing at her feet. Since then, I’ve taken a look at my spam folder and it turns out I’m the lucky one, not her, and everybody, including Betty, should be jealous of me, me, me. As I was scrolling through my junk mail, it occurred to me that it’s much more compelling than the stuff I end up reading in my real messages. (Sorry, friends, but you’re really boring.) Even better, I can get much better deals than Betty and I don’t even need to take any classes at those schools that want her as a student. I am so special… Nothing indicates an investment that’s geared specifically for my parameters than: Good day. I found your email address in the Google database. Is your email address still valid? I have a good business proposal for you. Of course, there’s the traditional alert that I’m in for a big bequest: Hello, a donation of € 1,700,000.00 has been made for you. And then there are people who don’t know the difference between a benefactor and a beneficiary, although I suspect I would end up as more of the former than the latter if I clicked on the link: You have been selected as benefactor of $1,000,000.00 million dollars from our personal donation in the year 2023. A trillion dollars? That’s even more than Elon Musk lost on Twitter. I’ve got to temper my excitement, though, because I might not be the real beneficiary. Not only are they confusing me with Betty all the time, some of them now think I’m Ed, who is an even better credit risk than Betty or I will ever be: Hi Ed, If you'd like to get fast flexible funding for your business then a business cash advance could be the perfect solution. Get From $5,000 to $1 Million in as little as 24 hours. $1 Million? I could be in Tahiti before they find out I’m not Ed. Or Betty. Or that I don’t live in New York. That’s a good thing, really, since New Yorkers appear to be all wrinkly and saggy and vastly overweight, according to all of these messages:
Not only am I not Betty, or Ed, or a New Yawker, I’m not a Brit, either, but you wouldn’t know it from these greetings from friends:
I’ve also discovered that power tools are considered the most appealing gifts:
So, all this scrolling has me thinking. With all these special deals just for me, it isn’t possible that all of them are fake. There must be at least a few offers that are legit in here and I’m missing out by ignoring them. Maybe I should just click on a few an
1 Comment
David Brimm
3/3/2024 12:09:30 pm
And you told me you weren't popular as a young man. Seems you are now. But with the wrong people. You can run but you can't hide!
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Who writes this stuff?Dadwrites oozes from the warped mind of Michael Rosenbaum, an award-winning author who spends most of his time these days as a start-up business mentor, book coach, photographer and, mostly, a grandfather. All views are his alone, largely due to the fact that he can’t find anyone who agrees with him. Archives
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