​I spent a good portion of my life on the commuter train, juggling a cup of coffee and a donut and a broadsheet newspaper or two. When boredom set in, I’d play a game I almost always lost: Seat Selection Psychic.

Anyone can play a round of on the train, the bus, a fast-food restaurant…pretty much anywhere that seats aren’t assigned in advance. Somebody walks in and you try to anticipate where they will plant themselves for the duration of their visit. Aisle or window? Booth or table? Alone or next to someone? Same sex or opposite?

Per usual, this game said nothing about the people I was watching, because it was really a test of the assumptions I make when I first see someone. What’s their gender, race, age? How are they dressed? Are they carrying coffee or a briefcase or a grocery bag or a protest sign? We use all of these visual cues to get a sense of who the person is, whether they are friendly or cold or professional or unemployed or fugitives from another galaxy.

I know a few people who would be wizards at this game, but I am clearly a Muggle. Over a period of years, I don’t think I ever predicted the new rider’s destination accurately. Still, the exercise reminded me about the limited insights provided by first impressions.
 
People, like ogres, are like onions. It takes a while to peel back all the layers. Some people grow on you as you get to know them better, while others prove to be less human than they appeared at first. We like to pride ourselves on our ability to size people up quickly, but we’re off base much more often than we’d want to admit.

​It might be true that you never get a second chance to make a first impression, but we have many chances to make a good impression or, at least, a real one. Fairly often, I’ve found my first impressions to be just a trifle shallow and arrogant, only to be softened and better informed by subsequent encounters.  That experience has made me better at withholding judgment, which just might enable me to get better at life.

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Maybe they don’t mean it that way, or perhaps they do, but there are some statements that I hear repeatedly and they just rub me the wrong way. If you were writing a blog, you could be whining about this stuff, too…
 

1. People say, "Be careful," right after you needed to be careful.
2. People say "That's a great question" immediately before they don't answer it.
3. For some reason, I consider it fighting words when someone says, "Let me play devil's advocate." Usually, that statement means, "I'm about to dismiss your idea without offering anything valuable to replace it." 
4. When a person says, “I'll be frank,” doesn’t it make you wonder if they were lying to you previously?
5. By the time someone says, "To make a long story short," it's much too late.
6. I hate it when someone assures me that “nothing is etched in stone here,” because they always sound more uncertain than accommodating. 
7. When people say, “It’s not about the money,” it doesn’t mean it’s about the money. It means the money is a proxy for something else that’s even more important than money.
8. What the hell does it mean when somebody says, “I don’t disagree?” Do they agree, do they have no opinion, have they never given your idea any thought whatsoever, or did they blank out while you were talking and they have no idea what you said?

 
Time for some audience participation: what comments drive you up the wall or over the edge or around the bend? Add your faves to our comment section this week and we can all cringe together.
 
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​I always cringe a bit when I read a news report that refers to "informed sources."

Often, it seems, it's only one informed source and we never know exactly who informed the source about whatever he or she or they are informed about. Sometimes, there are two informed sources, but it’s possible that both received their information from the same person, so they really should count as one source.

When the source is a few levels down in the food chain, it's like a game of telephone, where the story changes just a bit with each retelling. It can make a huge difference if the "informed" source was the actual doer or six steps removed from the scene of battle.

Worse, there is a pathology I noticed in my days as a news reporter and, later, as a consultant, that can skew the story significantly. This isn’t about bias or agendas; it’s about life.

When we interview people for insights, the best informed people will often be the ones who say the least. Perhaps they give us the smallest amount of time or they are more circumspect about how they speak. As rule, people whose words are impactful will be careful in their choice of words.

That means, often, that the guy who gives you the best quotes and the largest amount of time might also be the least informed or least connected or least powerful person on the interview list.  Of course, that person might have tons of spare time to spend as a source.

There’s a difference, of course, between least connected and least powerful. The most connected and powerful person might be in the best position to see the big picture, understand the competing issues, and deliver on his claims, or he might be out of touch with the daily details or too protective of the status quo. The least powerful person might be a whistleblower or most familiar with the way plans are actually implemented. Other times, the least powerful person turns out to be a crank.

​It doesn’t matter if I’m reading something from the right or left, about business or art or politics, simply calling someone an informed source doesn’t do it for me. Of course, if the person is referred to as a well-informed source or a senior-level source, that changes everything. Those are the people you just know you can trust.
 
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When hand crafting is no longer a plus, initial thoughts on diseases, and a blabst from the pabst, brought to you this week from a clean desk and a very cluttered mind…

1. So many questions about life on this blog. It's like Sex and the City, but without the sex.
2. I developed a new line of artisanal water, but customers got turned off when I told them it was hand crafted.
3. I was tired of having the same old cheeseburgers, so I decided to skip lunch and make tacos for dinner. Ground beef, cheese, tomatoes, onions…what a great change of pace.
4. Tasting wine is like telling the doctor whether your pain is from 1-10. It all depends on your expectations, your ego, and how much little things bother you.
5. Who decided that every illness should be known by its initials? Erectile dysfunction is ED, reflux is GERD, and constipation caused by opioids is OIC. Meanwhile, why couldn’t they come up with more meaningful acronyms, like Flatulence At Regular Time Sequences or Zillions of Irritating Teenage Spots?
6. Speaking of initial impressions, did you notice that Pabst Blue Ribbon only became hip when they started calling it PBR?
7. The other night, I drove to a neighborhood restaurant and found a parking space right in front of the entrance. I walked up and down the street to look for signs that prohibited parking or required a fee. Then, I asked two people who worked in the restaurant to assure me I was safe to park there. Clearly, the Meter Maids are a terrorist organization.
8. It took a long time, but I have finally run out of patience with adults who don't have basic computer skills. Yeah, it was almost cute in 1989, but you've had more than 30 years to learn this stuff.

 
 
Of course, all the people reading this post are incredibly tech savvy 8G gurus who can program a computer and surf the web and click on this button to become subscribers. Right?