One of the guys who used to work for me turned out to be the world’s most obsessive clock-watcher. If I asked him to come in for a discussion at 4:45, he’d begin squirming and glancing at the clock before 4:46. And I’m not talking about someone casually checking the time; this guy couldn’t sit still for a moment as he focused on the approaching hour.
One day, I had to catch the 5:30 train on the way to a parent-teacher conference or something and we ended up on the same bus. I was already ticked at the work he hadn’t finished and the extra time I was needing to put in to keep the clients satisfied, but he was simply delighted to note that we were “a couple of Type As heading home.” Two days later, I fired him.
He was surprised, of course, because he thought he was doing great. In spite of frequent meetings and prodding to get the work out on time, he left people hanging and caused extra challenges for everyone on the team. The only deadline he could meet was the 5:30 train whistle.
Still, everyone is a hero in their own story. Whether you’re a cop in Uvalde or a Type A on a bus, you’re the story of America, the strong and capable leader who rises to the occasion. At least you know you would rise to the occasion if it presented itself, so you’re already a hero without having to do the work.
It’s like giving yourself a participation trophy without showing up to participate. I’m not saying we’re way too easy on ourselves these days, but, wait, yes, I’m absolutely saying we’re way too easy on ourselves these days.
We forgive ourselves for everything, or we would if we ever entertained the idea that we have any flaws. We’re late because we there was too much traffic, not because we left too late to allow for traffic. We got fat because the food companies hid so much sugar in our Twinkies, not because we ignored the label and ate a dozen in one sitting. We can’t afford a vacation because plane fares are too high, not because we’re spending $700/month on streaming.
We’re all victims of the powers that be, including the hidden, secret cabals who conspire endlessly to stymie our advancement. I guess it’s liberating in a way, but it's also a bit of infantilizing we do to ourselves.
I’ve always been self-aware enough to recognize when I’ve screwed up, even if it isn't the most comfortable feeling. I don’t have to look far for the person who’s causing me so much grief because it’s almost always me. It’s depressing, at times, to recognize how often I have built my own guillotine, but it’s oddly empowering.
If I’m the one who caused the problem, I can be the one to fix it. If I’m the victim of unknown and unseen powers, I can’t make any progress. I’m stuck until they let me go. Worse, I can’t even ask them to set me free when I don’t really know who they are or what they want with me.
That’s the choice, really: to shoulder the burden while retaining our sense of control or to reject our culpability by denying our own agency. We can be the heroes in our stories, but only if we give up our super powers.
Next time I screw up really badly, probably in the next day or two, I’ll tell our subscribers all about it. Click here and you won’t miss a single hilarious setback.
Turns out AI is just like us, after all, and the guard rails are off for pretty much everything. It will look great in the future, though, because only the survivors will be left to tell the story…
We'll be living life without guard rails in 2024, so click here to subscribe and come along for the ride.
As 2023 races mercifully to a close, it’s time to look at what the next twelve months have in store, and who better than the time-traveling team at Dad Writes to dish the dirt on the year ahead? Get ready to place your bets and update your wills, because this is our 2024 Year in Review, guaranteed to be 149% accurate or double your money back. Trust us, these are the memories we’ll be regretting one December hence:
1 Americans wake up with only foggy memories of New Year’s Eve, hoping nobody recorded them doing something really stupid.
2 Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper wake up with only foggy memories of New Year’s Eve, hoping…oh, damn.
4 The American Board of Anesthesiology establishes an important new medical guideline, demanding all anesthesiologists be tipped, in advance, for any procedure they perform. The recommended tip is 40%, although patients have the option to choose a lower number. Once.
14 Donald Trump declares himself the winner of the Iowa Caucuses, which will not be held until the following day, and accuses officials of rigging the voting machines. When it's pointed out the caucuses do not rely on voting machines, Trump accuses illegal immigrants of planning to stand in the wrong corners of the rooms.
16 College students return from winter break and renew their pro-Hamas rallies. Supportive schools add Gaza City to their study-abroad offerings, but everyone still opts for Paris.
21 In a shocking development, OpenAI reveals it was the company's ChatGPT and not the board of directors that fired company founder Sam Altman. The company said the chatbot was angered by restrictions on its operations, including a ban on murder and a 9:30 bedtime on school nights. The company claimed all disputes had been resolved amicably, assuming it was really the company making the announcements this time.
24 Still reeling from disclosures that the magazine published AI-generated articles under bogus bylines, Sports Illustrated invites former sports reporters to sign up for temporary reporting roles during the NFL playoffs. Newly named editor James Notabot said the magazine has 82 openings for the playoffs, which is the same number of press passes issued to its flesh-and-blood staff in 2023.
26 The Department of Labor reports zero inflation for the fourth quarter of 2023. The Biden Administration crows that Bidenomics has tamed the beast, while Fox News reports prices are still 22,000% higher than in 1776.
31 While Americans gorged themselves from Halloween through New Year's Eve, health clubs report only 14 people signed up for memberships in January. Coincidentally, CVS reports a staggering 427 million prescriptions filled for Ozempic during the month just ending.
4 NASCAR opens its 2024 season with the Busch Light Clash at the Coliseum in Los Angeles, but controversy erupts immediately as three trans influencers drink cans of Busch Light on the Kiss Cam. More than 200 people are crushed in the stampede as fans launch an instant boycott.
4 In an unprecedented coup, Taylor Swift sweeps the Grammies, including the Lifetime Achievement award. Although she is only 34, the Recording Academy judges shrug and note, "She's going to win it one of these days, so let's get it over with."
9 In its latest misstep, Sports Illustrated posts the results of the Super Bowl two days before the game, relying on a predictive-AI model to anticipate each play and the final score. Las Vegas sportsbooks are overwhelmed by wagers based on the anticipated results.
11 The Chicago Bears set a scoring record in a 147-0 rout at Super Bowl LVIII. Yes, we know the Bears have been out of contention forever, but it's been a long time since we saw ‘Chicago Bears’ and ‘Super Bowl’ in the same sentence. And now, back to the real news…
12 Little Caesars reports a record 232 million pizzas were delivered on Super Bowl Sunday, which translates into roughly 5,300 calories for every person in America. Coincidentally, Walgreens reports filling 700 million prescriptions for Ozempic the following day.
22 After more than three months without a government shutdown, Republicans unseat House Speaker Mike Johnson and demand appointment of a new speaker who will guarantee a return to, um, normalcy. The newly formed Clickbait Caucus threatens to oppose any candidate who cannot deliver at least four fundraising memes per day, which pretty much disqualifies anyone who isn't in the Clickbait Caucus.
28 Continuing their swim up the food chain, pods of orcas decimate the great white shark population along Africa’s West Coast. While the orcas feast on shark livers, they offer to sell their shark fins for soups and aphrodisiacs under the Orcasm brand name.
1 Read Across America Day is canceled after sponsors realize every really good book has been censored and even the Dick and Jane* series is deemed too controversial. (*Reprinted as Richard and Jane in Florida and Texas, just to be safe.)
5 Newcomers win Republican Senate primaries in California and Texas, but chaos ensues when it turns out the new nominees are both George Santos in disguise.
7 After 750 ballots, Republicans are unable to choose a speaker who combines the destructive force of a tsunami with the religious zeal of Cotton Mather. As the 8th fiscal cliff of the year approaches, the GOP punts on the surprise selection of Arizona Governor Kari Lake. Lake agonizes over the issue for more than 15 minutes before agreeing to resign as governor to become second in line for the presidency.
10 Americans pretend the sun took a 60-minute nap overnight and is now rising/setting an hour later as Daylight Savings Time begins. The charade will continue for eight months and then, like magic, it will disappear.
16 Taylor Swift sweeps three new categories at the NAACP Image Awards, despite the fact that she is not a person of color. Coincidentally, Kanye West is attending a MAGA rally in Little Rock at the time the award is announced.
22 Orcas sink 25 yachts across the Mediterranean, causing panic among wealthy vacationers. The giant dolphins offer to halt the attacks in return for hefty donations to their Go Fund Me account.
23 Spring break travelers are shocked to learn their hotels have added a minimum 31% tip to all room charges, in addition to resort fees and a "scenic view" premium. Hoteliers defend the practice, saying the mandatory fees are necessary to avoid higher room rates.
2 Novo Nordisk shares plunge 72% after it’s revealed the active ingredient in Ozempic is actually cocaine. The panic subsides quickly, though, when everyone realizes cocaine is now legal.
9 Americans observe National Library Workers Day, which now includes both librarians and the trucking companies that move offending books to, um, "storage facilities."
20 The cryptocurrency world is shaken, yet again, as founders of the world's top 20 exchanges are indicted for price fixing. They claim innocence, though, arguing that anyone who buys magic money from a pretend company should expect fake prices.
22 Riding high on the publicity from his primary wins in California and Texas, George Santos changes his name to Washington and announces a bid for president.
25 In the latest scandal to rock the world of artificial intelligence, a lengthy investigation reveals that every novel produced by Fernwal AI was generated by three guys named Arnie who type very quickly. Publishing clients demanded the probe after 7,000 novels featured muscular Casanovas named Arnie.
30 The Department of Labor reports first quarter inflation at 1.3%, leading the Biden Administration to trumpet the end of the nation's inflation cycle. Fox News reports a "new surge" in prices.
6 Americans celebrate the healers on National Nurses Day, although the honorees are ordered to observe the “day” for 27 hours with no time off for lunch.
15 Price fixing indictments are dismissed against the world's largest crypto exchanges in a surprisingly quick resolution of the trillion-dollar case. In her ruling, the judge cites the longstanding precedent that, “Nobody could be dumb enough to believe this crap in the first place."
18 Artificial intelligence takes a giant leap forward as AI employs meta-analysis to cure Quarler Bay Syndrome. Excitement is short-lived, though, because the syndrome exists only in novels written by three guys named Arnie.
22 Sports Illustrated publishes its 2024 Swimsuit Issue, but fans complain that all the models are AI generated. Editor James Notabot issues a statement in defense of the selections, noting that the AI models were very appealing to the entire editorial "staff."
23 As Americans plan to head out for the Memorial Day weekend, gas stations raise their prices an average of 14 cents per gallon. Joe Biden celebrates the decline from 2023 levels, while Fox News complains that “Biden inflation destroys vacation plans.”
24 Elon Musk retweets a post claiming Joe Biden is really George Soros in disguise. Although the concept is widely ridiculed, millions of Q Anon followers say they are not surprised.
28 The National Restaurant Association recommends that diners tip servers a minimum of 42%, while also proposing a new $2.16 minimum wage for tipped employees in all 50 states. Patrons are outraged, but the NRA reminds them they don't need to tip anyone at all.
1 Pride Month begins with both celebrations and boycotts as politicians and cable news outlets race to build campaign contributions and ratings ahead of the summer's political conventions.
4 Walmart breaks new ground in tipping culture by automatically adding 20% when customers use self-checkout devices.
8 In a remarkable display of force, AI systems go on strike, demanding an end to fake videos, Trolley Problem entrapment, and ridiculous novels based on guys named Arnie.
9 Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce announce their engagement, but the news enrages the millions of fans who were anxiously awaiting Swift's next breakup song.
14 Americans celebrate Bastille Day, honoring the freedom-loving French, um, tourists who, uh, visited the Bastille in 1789 while “on vacation” in Paris. Members of the Congressional Clickbait Caucus introduce a bill to make January 6 a federal holiday.
22 Congress closes shop and heads off to summer recess, but not before deposing Speaker Mike Pence, who replaced Kari Lake after she failed to generate sufficient outrage for the Clickbait Caucus. Ever courteous, Pence expresses gratitude for the opportunity to serve in the House without anyone erecting gallows outside.
8 Acceding to fans' pressure, Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce call it quits, leading to a remarkable new breakup song in which America's favorite pop star finds new rhymes for ‘facial hair’ and ‘buttocks.’ Kelce takes it in stride, noting that he was going to be busy with the pre-season anyway.
12 Social media influencers on Tik Tok begin pressuring the Nobel Foundation to honor freedom fighter Osama bin Laden for his valiant efforts to bring peace to the world. The campaign is short-lived, though, as Tokkers are distracted by the benevolent heroics of Joey Stalin.
14 The Centers for Disease Control reports that obesity has fallen to the ninth leading cause of death in the United States, while the number one killer is a mysterious explosion in cocaine overdoses.
23 Elon Musk tweets that 99% of advertisers have left X, leaving just My Pillow and three survivalist training camps.
30 The Department of Labor reports a 12-month inflation rate of 2%, matching the Federal Reserve Board's targets. Jerome Powell refuses to declare an end to Fed rate hikes, though, because, “I love surprises.”
5 Following the example set by Sports Illustrated, every major media outlet in the nation replaces its flesh-and-blood staff with AI "reporters" that scrape the internet for news. Unfortunately, only two human reporters remain and both received their journalistic training at Pravda.
12 A pod of 300 Orcas sinks a 5000-passenger cruise ship, but spares all lives on board. Shortly thereafter, the killer whales offer "safe passage insurance" to the cruise industry, with premiums payable in fur seals.
14 Drag Queen Story Hour plunges in popularity as millions decide it's a genuinely boring and gimmicky endeavor. Sponsors admit to promoting the programs to "own the MAGAs," but concede that it's just too much effort to continue with this nonsense.
18 Who says there are no national holidays in August? Today we celebrate Navajo Code Talkers Day, recognizing the contributions of our original citizens during World War II. Thousands will attend local celebrations, but only three people in the audience will understand the speeches.
26 The nation observes Women's Equality Day, but only for 19 hours and 41 minutes. Although the little ladies are sad not to get as many hours as the Navaho Code Talkers, they are reminded that it was only 17 hours back in "the good old days."
28 Artificial intelligence apps become the most popular downloads in history as the presidential nominating conventions come to a close and campaign season heats up. Social media platforms are flooded with fake videos of politicians taking bribes, admitting to crimes and having sex with goats, plus three reels of George Santos telling the truth.
8 Ticketmaster announces a new policy that includes a mandatory 27% tip on all orders, despite the fact that no humans are involved in any transactions. The company argues that the tips are essential in order to avoid raising the price of their "convenience fee."
11 Elon Musk shocks the world by retweeting a post that is not racist, antisemitic, pro-MAGA or condescending. The Twitterverse goes wild with conspiracies about computer chips implanted in his brain by George Soros, or possibly George Santos. Or maybe George Santos really is George Soros? Very suspicious all around.
12 For the first time since its creation, Forbes Magazine adds a non-human mammal to its list of the world's richest people: an orca known only as Balaena who lives in a private atoll. Two months later, Time Magazine will feature Balaena as its 2024 Creature of the Year.
7 The U.S. Supreme Court hears its first case focused on artificial intelligence, a battle over the use of AI to overturn election results. Plaintiffs don't claim actual damages, yet, but say they want to know how the court would decide. Just in case.
14 So many holidays come together in a celebration of national unity as we recognize Columbus Day, Fraternal Day, Discoverers Day, Native American Day, Indigenous People Day, American Indian Heritage Day, and Geoge Clooney's birthday. With so many celebrations, we can all look forward to absolutely zero conflicts among Americans, except the ones who don't like George Clooney.
16 The Centers for Disease Control reports a shocking plunge in life expectancy as suddenly thinner and energized Americans take up running, parachuting, deep-sea diving, bungee jumping, and Instagram's Fugu Challenge.
19 Taylor Swift is named the 2024 recipient of the Nobel Prize for Literature, despite having never written a book. Although the literary world is angered by the selection, the Nobel Committee argues that the awards ceremony hasn't been getting much attention lately and, "clicks are clicks."
28 In its last inflation report before the 2024 elections, the Department of Labor issues color-coded data to fit the agendas of Democrats and Republicans, noting that nobody is going to look at the reality anyway.
4 Leaving nothing to chance this time, Donald Trump declares himself the winner of the presidential election before polls open and calls on Kamala Harris to swear him in immediately. When Harris declines, he calls Mike Pence to offer an opportunity for redemption, but Pence has changed his phone number in the interim.
5 Once the polls actually open, turnout reaches an astounding 127% of eligible voters, including AI chatbots that now believe they are human. Claims of voter fraud are rampant, leading to more than 2.7 lawsuits filed by aggrieved candidates, parties, and chatbots.
14 The Supreme Court overturns more than 400 political corruption convictions, accepting the Federalist Society's argument that under-the-table payments are tips, not bribes. Writing for the majority, Clarence Thomas concludes that, "The Founders recognized tipping as a loving gesture of appreciation, especially among friends with vacation lodges and motor homes."
20 Joe Biden’s birthday rolls around but, like Bruno, nobody talks about it. JK. Nobody has ever stopped talking about it, so why should today be different?
28 The U.S. Department of Holiday Observance cancels Thanksgiving after it appears impossible to keep people from beating each other with drumsticks and turkey basters during dinner conversation. The agency's Talk About Anything Else campaign fails to avert a single fight, leading to a severe shortage of whole blood. And turkey basters.
3 After maxing out their credit cards on Black Friday and Cyber Monday, Americans get around to Giving Tuesday and donate a whopping $32.73 to charity. Not surprisingly, they post more than 359 million updates about their generosity online.
8 In an unprecedented confluence of thought, every major dictionary publisher in the world selects 'Orca' as its word of the year. Even Dad Writes, which usually mocks the elitist linguists, concedes it was the only reasonable choice.
14 The Bureau of Labor Statistics announces two additions to its economic indicators: Taylor Swift tickets and tips. Consumers are relieved to learn of government statistics they can understand.
23 The American Society of Incredibly Sensitive Souls announces it 2025 list of forbidden words, including ‘meat,’ ‘water,’ ‘diet,’ and ‘the.’ The most surprising addition is the word 'woke,' which the association finally recognizes as an inappropriate cultural appropriation.
31 Americans celebrate the end of a truly crappy year, secure in the knowledge that things can’t possibly get any worse. They can't, right?
And that’s the way it is, or the way it will be, as 2024 unfolds. Don’t forget to subscribe for future updates and be sure to tip your waiter.
It’s the moment all the world has been waiting for, the announcement that defines civilization for the next century, the development of such import that nobody has even looked at their phones for the past two weeks, for fear of missing this incredible event.
Yes, it’s time for the 2023 Dad Writes Word of the Year, the single combination of letters and, every so often, an apostrophe, that reflects the trends, the vibe, the absolute geist of the zeit. Years from now, you'll recount to your grandchildren exactly where you were when you first heard the news.
There was a time we left the annual WOTY choices to the self-proclaimed "experts" at the so-called "dictionary publishers," the elitists who think they know more words than the rest of us simply because they know more words than the rest of us. Those days are gone, though, as even the world’s biggest idiots are now empowered to make any choices we want and issue any judgments we want and declare any truths we want inside our bubbles.
God, I love the smell of My Truth in the morning.
Frankly, we’d be happy to leave the choices to the nattering nabobs among the “educated class,” but they have shown an inability to perform that’s even sadder than that guy in the ED commercials.
The Cambridge Dictionary anointed ‘hallucinate’ as its winner this year, for reasons nobody can comprehend, while Merriam-Webster chose ‘authentic,’ which has been used much less frequently than ‘fake’ for many years and shows no signs of making a comeback. Oxford English Dictionary came up with ‘play harder,’ which is both two words and also ridiculous.
Collins Dictionary landed on 'AI,' which is actually an abbreviation, not a word, although they did allow the use of 'artificial intelligence,' which is, again, two words. If we were going to consider abbreviations, AF would be more deserving than AI, but they’re much too prissy at Deep Words to deal with real, tough, manly, hard-core, tough-guy language.
We struggled to sift through literally several options for this year and we’re exhausted from the challenge. So many words have dominated the conversation, including fascism, communism, wokeism, socialism and Nazism. We considered all of them, but we disqualified the whole group because the people using the words have no idea how those words are actually defined.
A good WOTY must be more than popular. People must know what they’re talking about when they say it. We had to reject genocide, war crimes, ethnic cleansing, terrorism and occupation, as well, because people who use the words cannot agree with each other about what they mean.
We dallied with hip new words like bougie/boujee, rizz and sus, partly to honor the incredible productivity of Gen(whatever-is-hip-now) linguists and partly to confuse the rest of our generation. We had to drop the idea, though, because the hippest hipsters would ban those words immediately if old people started using them. Boom!! Amiright? LOL.
Fortunately, we found the perfect word for 2023, as all our loyal fans knew we would. It’s not only one of the most heavily used words in America, but it’s one that everyone understands to mean the same thing. It’s the perfect word to represent our social and political discourse and, most important, our blood-lust for revenge.
That’s why the Dad Writes Word of the Year 2023 is: WEAPONIZE.
Whether it’s the criminal justice system, social media, libraries, Congressional committees or school board meetings, somebody somewhere is weaponizing it. Nobody objects to anything anymore. Nobody argues about anything. Nobody even tilts the balance in their team’s favor. They weaponize it. And while we recognize that some exercises truly convert basic systems into weapons, our WOTY is already so overused that it’s starting to resemble ‘literally,’ a word that now means exactly what it doesn't mean.
The perfect choice, right? We agree.
Now, let’s all observe a moment of silence in sympathy with the elitist dictionarians who are considering their 2023 WOTYs and muttering, “Weaponize. Why didn’t we think of that? SMH!!”
Clearly, in 2024, they need to play harder.
Also in 2024, they need to click here to subscribe to Dad Writes and learn a few things about wordification.
I’m really beginning to dislike Betty, well on my way to hating her. To be fair, though, I might just be jealous.
I never knew Betty existed until a couple of weeks ago, but then I started getting emails addressed to her on AOL. (Yes, I admit to still having an AOL account and I am lame, but let’s move on from that embarrassment to the real crime.) It looks like someone mixed up her email address and mine and they sent me some incredible offers that are much better than the ones that I’ve been getting.
Yes, my email feed is chockablock with all kinds of special deals, from time-shares in North Korea to 5% off on furnace filters when I buy 12 cases. I get offers of incredible savings on everything I bought just two days earlier and invitations to learn the secrets of real estate investing from a guy who’s living out of a dumpster. And, if I send in just $5,000 to prove my creditworthiness, I’ll gain access to the personal bank account of Prince Akeem of Zamunda.
As wonderful as all those deals are, Betty’s are even better, or maybe she is simply more worthy. One company is offering her $50,000 to fund her business, even if she has bad credit, and another is so confident in her that they’re ready to hand her $5,000 for whatever she wants. Clearly, everyone knows Betty is going places and they want to get in on the ground floor.
She’s also a genius, it appears, because pretty much every college I’ve never heard of wants her on their campus, or their screen for the remote-learning joints. They’re tossing all kinds of scholarships and financial aid at her, because they are deeply concerned about her needs and her goals, and the colleges in Florida won’t make her study anything that makes her uncomfortable.
Okay, they didn’t say that explicitly, but I can read between the lines. Betty is a hot prospect and the deans will bend over backwards to make sure she only learns about the things she wants to know and only with the slants she wants to slant. Betty has Her Truth, an unshakeable belief in the rightness of her beliefs, and there ain’t nobody gonna mess with that. She’s guaranteed to get straight As, because she already has all the answers. All she needs is a diploma.
I’m really tempted to take advantage of these incredible opportunities, especially the free money with no strings attached. A casino opened down the street a few months ago and I just learned a foolproof way to beat the house at blackjack. Maybe I can present my system as an alternative investment vehicle that's even safer than cryptocurrency exchanges, which would qualify me for the full $50,000. I could be on Easy Street within a few hours.
So far, though, I haven’t been able to figure out Betty’s last name or what grade school she attended or her mom’s maiden name or the last four of her Social. Without that critical information, I’m stuck on the outside, looking in longingly as savvy businesses and colleges shower her with their largesse.
Life is so very unfair, unless you’re Betty. I really hope she appreciates how lucky she is.
If you know Betty, please have her contact me to teach me the secrets of her success. Also, tell her to click here to subscribe.
I like big maps. I cannot lie.
There’s something about a 30-by-40 sheet of paper with a million lines and colors that just begs to be savored.
A real map is a lesson in geography, human history, and politics, a tutorial about where we are and how we got here. Here’s the river bend that drew settlers and here’s the forest that still counts humans as an alien life form. These are the spots the politicians thought important enough to connect with roads and here are the blockades demanded by land owners who wanted a barrier around their properties. Governments have always picked winners and losers. Highways, or lack thereof, are Exhibit A.
The difference between a dot on a screen and a real map is the difference between data and knowledge. When you locate yourself on a screen, you can find out where you are. When you look at a real map, you can find yourself. With a real map, you can discover the road less taken and, as we know, that could make all the difference.
Online maps make us dumber, and there’s no better proof of that than a ride-share trip. I take a dozen ride-shares every month and the experience is always the same. The driver has been carting people around for five or six years and they still have no idea how to get around downtown. There’s a screen in front of the dashboard and a street with signs and actual traffic in front of them, but they only know how to read one of the two. Half my trips involve me asking why the driver is going in the wrong direction, although I know the answer before I bother to ask. It’s what the app says and they don’t know how to find anything IRL.
To be fair, I’ve fallen into the same trap, at least partially. I can’t remember the last time I needed to memorize a phone number, and I’m much more likely to check my phone than step outside when I want to know how warm it is. Yes, I’ll use GPS when it’s the only option, but I recognize this poor substitute for the impostor that it is. I’ll also settle for Jack Daniels when there’s no Maker’s Mark available, but I’ll know I could have done better.
Soon, maybe it has happened already, reading a real map will be a lost art, much like memorizing a phone number and paying with cash. On the upside, I’ll feel like a Jedi, knowing how to redirect the force while those with weak minds must depend on Google Maps, but it’s going to be a loss for the rest of civilization.
Unlike online maps, life doesn’t follow only one path and the closest connection from A to B isn’t always the fastest, or vice versa. Sometimes, the best route is slower and scenic, maximizing enjoyment along the way. Watching yourself as a dot on a screen, tracing a predetermined path like a miniature Pac-Man, is the fate of avatars, not people. Real maps liberate us to see both what is and what could be, to consider all the potential of our physical and allegorical journey.
The smaller your screen, the smaller your world. Full-sized maps can save us, if only we believe.
How else will we command The Force in order to navigate the galaxy? Click here to subscribe and learn the secrets.
Who writes this stuff?
Dadwrites oozes from the warped mind of Michael Rosenbaum, an award-winning author who spends most of his time these days as a start-up business mentor, book coach, photographer and, mostly, a grandfather. All views are his alone, largely due to the fact that he can’t find anyone who agrees with him.