Avoid the life hacks to live forever

 
Adapting to life’s challenges, mastering the club sandwich and the exciting world of fountain pens, because we only write about the most important stuff..

1. Chipotle recently reported a gigantic jump in quarterly earnings, thanks largely to a sharp drop in the price of the avocados that are included in roughly HALF their transactions. Meanwhile, egg prices dropped 28% from January to March. As a result, we can expect all the restaurants that were adding a 3% inflation fee to every bill to shift to a 3% refund from now on.
   
2. I spent a few years with sinus problems that caused me to lose my sense of smell. When I finally recovered, I was disappointed to rediscover all the noxious odors in the city. I’ve had a similar experience as I’ve returned to the real world after Covid and encountered more of my fellow humans in public. Not the smells, so much, as the noxious part.
   
3. Who was the genius who decided that club sandwiches should be cut into quarters so that the middle falls out and you end up with mayo stains on your shirt and pants? I don’t know for a certainty, but I kinda suspect it was a dry-cleaner.
   
4. Weathermen predict 20 of every 3 snowstorms, economists predict 8 of every one recession, and conspiracy theorists predict 500 of every one conspiracy. It’s not surprising that the only predictions they talk about are the ones that come to pass; the surprising part is when people accept, “I told you so,” as a statement of fact.
   
5. This guy spent about 15 minutes telling me about his collection of fountain pens and I found the whole thing fascinating. I was never that interested in pens and I cannot say he convinced me to take up the hobby, but his own passion for the topic rubbed off just a bit. And while I was learning more than I ever thought I wanted to know, it occurred to me that you don’t have these conversations on Zoom calls or via text. You have to get out into the real world with real people, in 3D and Technicolor, if you’re ever going to expand your horizons.
   
6. Life challenges don’t seem to bother me as much as they did when I was younger. Does that mean I’m getting wiser, or have I just run out of energy? In the same vein, when I think some new development is ill-advised or downright stupid, am I demonstrating the wisdom of my years or simply being a cranky old codger?
   
7. I have found the secret to eternal life and it turns out it is easier than I ever dreamed possible. Every morning I go to social media and there’s another list of 100 places to go before you die, 83 life hacks to know before you die, 50 meals to eat before you die...and I just realized if I don’t read any of these posts, I’ll never die. So far so good.
   
8. Every so often I’ll walk into a furniture store and the saleswoman will tell me to make myself at home. Then they get mad when I take them up on the suggestion.
   

 
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