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CV Diary 11: Illusions of Hygiene

5/24/2020

6 Comments

 
Picture
Now that pretty much every state is reopening in some way, it’s time for a refresher course on why we should all be dead already. Just in case you were excited about finally getting out of the house…
 
  1. Did you ever notice that the guy who clears the tables at the restaurant uses the same rag to wipe both the seat cushions and the table top? Did you also notice that he also holds your cup by the rim when he refills your coffee? No, you never noticed that? Now you will.
  2. Speaking of which, did you ever notice that women will put their purse on the floor, then rest it on the napkin on their lap, and then wipe their mouths with their napkins? Nope? Now you will.
  3. At the doughnut shop, they avoid touching your doughnut by picking it up with a piece of waxed paper, but then they throw the waxed paper into the bag with your donuts. Isn’t that just an inefficient process for infections?
  4. When buffets come back, we’ll all be admonished to use tongs in order to avoid touching the food with our hands. But then we all end up holding the same tongs, so what’s the point?
  5. When gyms reopen, people will spritz every surface they touch, or breathe on, but nobody spritzes the door handle that everyone grabs when they leave. Speaking of which, nobody spritzes the handle of the spritzer bottle, either.
  6. It doesn’t matter how much hand sanitizer you use, I don’t want to shake hands in a restaurant. Look, I wouldn’t kiss the palm of the guy I’m having lunch with, so why would I shake hands with him before picking up my sandwich?
  7. Nothing gives me more faith in the cleanliness of hospitals than sitting on the bus next to a guy in scrubs. Of course, now I won’t be sitting next to him, but the ick factor is the same.  
  8. When the next pandemic arrives, it won’t come from China. We’ll get it from sharing the pancake syrup dispenser at the local diner.
 
And don’t get me started on the people who let their dogs lick their hands and faces and then say, “Their mouths are cleaner than ours.” First, it’s not true and, second, even if it was, did you see what they were licking before they licked you? Stop it. Now.
 
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6 Comments
Larry Clark
5/24/2020 01:21:53 pm

One of your (sadly) funniest postings.

I used to watch the workers at the Pentagon Dunkin' where -- because of the layout -- more of the back shop operation was visible to the customers. It seemed that the workers did a better job of protecting themselves from "whatever" than they did protecting the customers.

Reply
Jim Clark
5/25/2020 03:41:58 pm

As an Environmental Health Specialist, aka “health inspector”, I actually did notice these things. As a professional, I was careful about with whom I discussed them.

Reply
Dad Writes
5/31/2020 02:59:36 pm

Sunshine is the best disinfectant.

Also, bleach.

Dad Writes
5/31/2020 03:00:32 pm

And on the airplane, they always put their face masks on first.

Reply
David
5/26/2020 09:18:18 am

With all this surveillance how do you have time to even eat your meal?

Reply
Dad Writes
5/31/2020 03:01:01 pm

I don't. This is my secret plan for losing weight.

Reply



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    Dadwrites oozes from the warped mind of Michael Rosenbaum, an award-winning author who spends most of his time these days as a start-up business mentor, book coach, photographer and, mostly, a grandfather. All views are his alone, largely due to the fact that he can’t find anyone who agrees with him. 

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