Frenching fabulously over at Dad Writes

I’ve been struggling to make this blog a cultural icon for our millions of readers and I think I’ve finally figured out the perfect plan to make it happen. From now on, we’re not Dad Writes anymore. We’re French Dad Writes.

See, isn’t that better? Yes, everything is still written in proper English, or as close to proper English as we get around here, but we’re going to get a lot more respect because we’re French now. Because, let’s face it, everyone gets more respect if they say they’re French.

“Look at that woman with her top inside her pants in front and hanging out in the back. What a slob!”

“No, no, no! That’s a French Tuck.”

“Ooooh. Tres coolio.”

No matter what it is, from fashion to food to furniture, adding French to the name creates a certain panache, a je ne sais quoi, a savoir faire that no other nationality can offer. Greek salad and Turkish taffy and Brazil nuts are all descriptive, but tying those foods to nationalities adds no prestige.  Link anything to France, though, and the effect is incroyable.

Nobody wants greasy potatoes, but French fries are a hit. Even better, call them pomme frites and you can charge $12.50 for an order. Drop a slice of bread into your eggs and it’s a mess, until you call it French toast. Slobber all over someone when you’re smooching and you’re gross, unless it’s a French kiss. Drop a slice of onion and a grilled cheese sandwich into a tureen and, voila, it’s French onion soup.

It doesn’t matter if anything comes from France, is used in France, or is even known by the same name in France. Manicures, salad dressing, hair styles, postcards, vanilla ice cream…just call it French and we’re all agog.

Meanwhile, over here in the States, the best we can do is American cheese?

You’ve got to give credit where it’s due. France has won the culture war and the rest of us don’t even get a participation trophy.

We’re not quitters over here at Dad writes, but we are realists. The surest way to gain cultural credibility and unassailable status is to become French. (Turning Japanese? I don’t think so.)

Now that we’re French Dad Writes, all our posts will reek of the arrogant superiority that only a cultural icon can ooze. Our articles de blog will be so much more compelling, so much more convincing, and tres something or other I’ll have to look up later.

Doesn’t this blog sound sexier already? Why yes, yes it does. Or as we like to say over at French Dad Writes, mais oui very much.

Bon voyage, y’all.

We were going to translate our subscriber request from English this week, but we’re pretty lazy over here at French Dad Writes, so just pretend this is cleverly written in French and click here to subscribe.
 
 
 

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