Hooray for the Patriarchy, and boycotts

Leaning in to the boycott market, the new biggest lies in business, and the Olympic sport where I’d win gold…among other ramblings this week.

1. On average, men earn more money, do less housework, and never need to strain themselves to poop out any babies…and we still die five years sooner than the average woman.  Apparently, we wouldn’t get past the age of seven without the Patriarchy.
2. The owner of the diner was complaining that the price of a dozen eggs had more than doubled over the past year, jumping from about $1.50 to more than $3.00, and I felt bad about it, at first. Then I did the math. A dozen eggs at $3.00 is 25 cents per egg, so the two eggs in my breakfast order cost him 50 cents. Yeah, that’s up from 25 cents a year ago, but I’m paying $11 for my Sunrise Special and that doesn't include the coffee.
   
3. I have a friend who’s still trying to unload a ton of excess face masks and hand sanitizer from 2021, but help is on the way. I convinced him to send samples to a couple of trans influencers and the backlash will start in three…two…one… All his inventory will fly off the shelves as boycotters snap it up to burn it, run it over with tractors and, most photogenic of all, shoot it. I just hope he remembers to double the prices before the boycotts begin.
   
4. Why do people waste their time posting about things that will never happen, as if they’re adding some deep insight in the process? We aren’t going to abolish the Electoral College, since too many states benefit from it to vote against their own interest. We aren’t going to rerun the 2020 election. We aren’t going to outlaw guns. I wonder sometimes if people really think any of this is even possible, of if they’re looking for an excuse not to do anything real.
   
5. Why do they put warning signs on the floor or on the highway to alert us that surfaces are slippery when wet? Exactly what isn’t slippery when wet, and isn’t that the whole point of wet in the first place?
6. The biggest lies in business used to include, “The check is in the mail,” and "The cab will be there in two minutes,” but times change and lies must evolve to reflect our brave new world. Now, the top signs that your vendors are lying to you will come in the form of emails that begin “In order to serve you better…,“ “Giving you more of what you want…,” or “Your points just got much more valuable,” Then, it’s pretty much guaranteed we won’t be served better, we’ll be getting less of what we want, and all our points are worthless. Is it even doublespeak anymore if the meanings are 100% clear?
   
7. It turns out that talking is great exercise for the lungs and the more you talk, the less you need to do any of that aerobic crap. It will come as a surprise to no one that I am almost an Olympian.
   
8. All of us were getting 25 miles per gallon in sedans, but gas was cheap, so we traded for SUVs that get only 17 mpg. When gas prices rose last year, we didn’t kick ourselves for buying less efficient cars, though. We blamed Joe Biden, or oil company profiteering, or both.  
   

 
We’re all about giving you more of what you want at Dad Writes and we’ll be serving you even better if you click here to subscribe. In complete candor, though, there won’t be any check in the mail.
 
 

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