If I can do it, so can anyone else

Am I better off because people aren’t lying to me anymore, and why do the worst people in my life have the best stories? Let’s take a random walk through Meyers-Briggs, Wordle and the sexual revolution…

1. Yes, we all know that more than one million people died, life expectancy in the United States fell for two years in a row, students fell behind in their education, supply chains collapsed, the deficit soared, businesses scammed $billions from the government, and polarization only increased. Even worse, it’s almost impossible now to find a restaurant that will give you a menu instead of insisting that you scan their QR code. If I ever lose my phone, I’ll starve.
2. Looking back on my life, my biggest regret is that I missed out on the sexual revolution by about two years. It’s too bad, since I was actually willing to volunteer for that one.
3. I used to hate it when I would call a cab and then nobody showed up and the dispatcher would insist the driver would be there in a minute when they were really miles away. Thankfully, I don’t need to deal with those lying bastards anymore. Now it’s my app that insists they’ll be there in a minute while I can see—in real time—that they are miles away. I love progress.
4. Speaking of progress, have you noticed that when you go somewhere, nobody actually works for the place you’re visiting. There’s a franchisor’s name on the door, but it’s owned by another company, managed by a third, the employees are leased from a fourth, and no one is in charge of any of it. And you’ll be harangued a million times by a fifth company to review it, because your opinion is very important to all of them.
5. I know some really nice, decent, law-abiding people who are incredibly boring, while some of the biggest louses in my social circle have amazing and entertaining stories about the times they got caught, the near misses when they didn’t, and their plans for revenge. Life is so unfair.
6. After everyone on Twitter complained about censorship and Elon Musk announced he would buy the company and solve the problem, I decided to take a look. Every day, Jim Jordan complains about Joe Biden, Chuck Grassley posts a picture of himself in a corn field, The Lincoln Project posts a story mocking Donald Trump, and some guy announces that it isn’t Ted Danson’s birthday. It’s incredibly repetitive, boring and predictable, but somehow I’ve gotten hooked on this thing. It’s like Groundhog Day, and I keep looking to see if someone will say something they didn’t say yesterday and the day before and the day before…
   
7. My daughter talked me into taking a personality test the other day and I’m glad she did. First, it turns out that I actually have a personality, which has sometimes been questioned by those who know me best. Second, and even more remarkable, my personality seems to have improved since I took the same test a couple of decades ago. I had always thought this stuff was fixed, but it turns out you actually can grow as you age. Maybe things really do get better when the kids move out, the mortgage gets paid and you don’t have to deal with cranky clients.
8. One of these days, The New York Times is going to screw up the whole thing by adding a timer to Wordle, or maybe they’ll put it behind their paywall. Whatever happens, we all know it’s only a matter of time before someone decides to tweak the model and ruin the fun for everyone else. That’s because the most contradictory phrase in American business is new and improved. Also, tomorrow’s word will be “zippy.”

 
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