Incredible, unbelievable legal-ish tax tips for 2022

Tick, tick, tick, you can feel the pressure build as April 15 approaches and it’s time to pay the viper over at the Internal Revenue Service. After two years of stimulus checks, special tax credits and delayed filings, this tax season is especially painful for Americans.
 
Or, it was painful until the accounting geniuses at Dad Writes got to work. Thanks to our cracked team of financial magicians, millions of working stiffs can maximize deductions, minimize income and make out like bandits—"legally.”
 
We’ve examined every word of uild Back Better, Restore America, Help Apple Survive, Wall Street Orphans Support, and all the other one-time, emergency, never-to-be-repeated (wink wink) tax packages that Congress came up with over the past three years and we can absolutely “guarantee” that all of these special deals are 182.9% “foolproof.”
 
Sharpen your pencils and don your green eyeshades as you calculate your tax savings, now that you can…

1. Donate to the Congressional Budget Office Go Fund Me campaign, which offers a tax credit equal to 400 times your donation. As an added bonus, any taxpayer who donates $1 million or more gets to own one member of Congress. Move quickly on this one, though, because there aren’t many Reps who aren’t already owned by somebody else.
   
   
2. If you coached your six-year-old for a week until they could make an impassioned speech about masking to the county school board, you qualify for the special theatrical tax credit issued by the National Endowment for the Arts. A double credit is issued if you were able to work words like “contraindication,” “superfluous,” and “poopyface” into their presentations.
   
   
3. Now that the boss is insisting that people return to work, we can all write off our home offices as a casualty loss--and not just the dining room table where we held all our Zoom calls. Now, we can write off our front halls (guest reception), kitchens (break room), dens (conference room) and bathrooms (bathrooms) as well. Don’t be shy about this. Just go ahead and claim the entire value of your home. And that means the current inflated value, not what you paid. (If you're a renter, give it a shot anyway. What do you have to lose?)
   
   
4. The cost of any unused masks, air filters, wipes, hand sanitizers and protest signs may be deducted from income, along with that garage full of toilet paper that was supposed to be your retirement nest egg. If you do plan to deduct the cost of the toilet paper, you must pinky swear that you’ll never use any of it, except for  Homecoming weekend or Halloween.
   
   
5. If you invested in infrastructure by filling potholes with debris from your storage facility, you can deduct $1,500 from your taxes for each pothole you filled prior to Christmas. After Christmas, the deduction is available only to those who filled potholes with fruitcake.
   
   
6. If you used your Covid relief check to buy lottery tickets, you can apply the original value of any losing tickets to your tax liability. If you used the money to buy food or pay the rent, though, you’re out of luck.
   
   
7. If your adjusted gross income was more than $150,000,000, feel free to ignore all these tips, since you’ve probably figured out a way to avoid paying taxes altogether.
   
   
8. If you’re running a Fortune 500 Company, see note 7.
   

 
Remember, keep these incredible tax tips to yourselves, as only loyal fans of Dad Writes are eligible to claim these unbelievable benefits. Even better, you won’t need to worry about making any mistakes with your filings this year, since Congress has prohibited the IRS from auditing any taxpayers ever again.
 
Trust us on this. We know these things.
 
*It’s always possible that rules will change over the next few days, so you’ll want to consult your tax advisor, just in case. In the meantime, you’ll definitely want to click here to subscribe so you’ll have something to read while waiting for your sentencing hearing.

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