Dad Writes
  • Home | Dad Writes
  • What's Your Story?
  • Fun is Good!
  • Blog
  • Subscribe

Never say “win-win,” but “wheel cover” is cool

1/17/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
It’s usually a bad idea to get behind me at the teller window, but it’s essential that you watch my favorite TV shows right away, as we explain below…


1.      I check the freshness dates when I buy groceries, but they really should be more detailed than simply saying “best by” some date. I need usable insights like,
     November 28: Still fresh
     December 23: Getting a bit dicey
     January 17: Feeling lucky, punk?

2.     Speaking of which, my new shower door has a warning to avoid cleaning it with “harsh chemicals,” but I have no idea what that means. I suspect this is one of those questions that won’t get answered until it’s too late.

3.     I washed my car, which caused it to rain. I got in line at the bank, which caused it to stop moving. I found a new favorite TV show, which suddenly got canceled. It turns out I’m very powerful, but for the wrong reasons.

4.     Whenever somehow claims, “It’s absolutely a win-win,” I hear God saying, “Challenge accepted.” 

5.     “Wheel cover” sounds so much more elegant than “hubcap.” It’s like when people say flatulence or halitosis.

6.     It’s amazing how many times we say things that absolutely cannot be true, like:
  •      “I gave it 110%.” 
  •      “It’s 300% cheaper.”
  •      “I literally died.”
  •      “I had no choice.”
  •      “It was a mutual decision.”

7.     Every thought I have ever had, every pain, every joy, every tear, every disappointment, every surprise, every dream, has been preparing me for this moment. I really wish I had taken better notes.

8.     I’m always amused by people who wish they had lived in a palace in Tsarist Russia. Of course, they think they would have been royals, not stable boys, and they also forget how it all ended for the Romanovs. 
 
We will literally not die if you fail to read all our weekly updates, but we will literally be disappointed. Help us avoid our grief by clicking here to subscribe.
 



0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Who writes this stuff?

    Dadwrites oozes from the warped mind of Michael Rosenbaum, an award-winning author who spends most of his time these days as a start-up business mentor, book coach, photographer and, mostly, a grandfather. All views are his alone, largely due to the fact that he can’t find anyone who agrees with him. 

    Archives

    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018

    Categories

    All
    Aging Gracelessly
    Coronavirus
    Dadstuff
    Holidays
    Humorish
    Lessons Learned
    Life=Biz=Life=Biz
    Stories From Life
    Why Is That?

    RSS Feed

Website by RyTech, LLC
  • Home | Dad Writes
  • What's Your Story?
  • Fun is Good!
  • Blog
  • Subscribe