Thank God for all the incompetent hackers

The best dinner, stud fees, and the times I bring joy to the repairmen in my life, all from a deep dive into the shallowest of minds…

1. I really feel sorry for the straw that broke the camel’s back. Why does the last straw take all the blame and every other straw gets a free pass?
   
   
2. Whenever you open a new account anywhere, you can be assured you’ll receive two emails. The first will say, “Your information is 100% safe.” The second will say, “Oops.”
   
   
3. Speaking of which, isn’t it amazing how many incompetent hackers break into bank servers and get nothing of value? Every time there’s a data breach, you get a letter that says, “Yes, they got past our defenses, yes, they spent hours unchallenged as they rifled through our files, and yes, nobody has been arrested yet. Don’t worry, though, because they didn’t do any real damage.” Seriously, all these letters read like Fox News describing January 6.
   
   
4. I had a great dinner the other night. The waiter didn’t tell me his name, he didn’t tell me where the asparagus was sourced, he never referred to the cook as Chef, and he didn’t ask if he could “tempt you with dessert.” Best of all, I still have no idea whether my entrée was an excellent choice or his personal favorite.
   
   
5. I know a guy who sells beer at $18/bottle and I met a woman whose champion horse gets a stud fee of $50,000 for its, um, services. Clearly, there are worlds I have never known and I cannot afford to live in any of them.
   
   
6. It’s so encouraging when the repairman shows up, takes a look at the problem, and all he says is, “Wow.” I’m always happy when I can make someone else’s day more enjoyable.
   
   
7. If you had the choice between one and another, but not both, would you rather be right and mostly ignored or wrong and highly influential? Would you rather have three close friends or 300 amiable acquaintances? Would you rather be self-aware or oblivious? Some management guru is going to make a billion bucks with an assessment based on these questions, so I am preparing the record for when I sue her for plagiarism. Because I’d rather be lazy and whine than do the work without complaining.
   
   
8. On a similar note, would you rather find a solution to the problem or find someone to blame? No need to answer that one, since this is America.
   

 
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