I had just finished digitizing Volume 5 of the family photo albums and I was feeling a sense of accomplishment when, suddenly, I froze. Fourteen hours in, maybe another hundred hours to go, and exactly why was I doing this? My first thought was that it’s all for the kids, or the grandkids, but that’s just one of those things I tell myself to make me sound like I’m a devoted family man. Mostly, I’m like the guy who works nonstop to build a company and never spends time at home, but consistently claims it’s a “family business” and tells his kids he’s doing it for them. Well, at least he says that to his kids during the weekends when he has custody. I’m pretty far from that extreme, or so I tell myself, but the pattern is the same. I get driven by some need of my own and I don’t want to feel selfish about the whole thing, so I make up an audience that will benefit from my unique brand of obsessive compulsive disorder. Once I asked myself why I was digitizing the photos, the rest of my world started coming into focus, and it wasn’t pretty. I’ve saved copies of every newspaper article I wrote in college, and elementary school, along with my first license plate and essentially every photo or video I ever shot. I’m preserving all my “We try harder” buttons from Avis and my official membership certificate from the Merry Marvel Marching Society and the keys from almost every hotel room where I’ve ever stayed. Meanwhile, more than a third of our apartment is dedicated to the two times a year when we have people over, and by “people,” I mean humans who aren’t in my nuclear family. For the nukes, the kitchen table is good enough. No, the living room couches and dining room table are for “company,” all the people who are so much more special than my wife and kids and grandkids. I’ve written before about my challenges with the relics left behind by my own parents and grandparents, but I have not learned from their mistakes. I’m just more organized about it, having assembled boxes of “heirlooms” that nobody is going to see until after I’m gone, leaving them to wonder what the heck I was thinking when I decided to honor them with these gifts. I’ve actually thought about putting labels on the things that are on display in our apartment so the kids will know how important they are. “Oh, look, this tiny birdcage with a little chirping bird is actually a clock that was once owned by someone we’ve never met, and dad never thought it was important enough to actually wind up,” my heirs will say. And then they’ll spend decades in court, battling for possession of all my priceless collections. OTOH, this is going to be really important when the Rosenbaum Historical Center opens in Chicago and millions of visitors line up to learn about my fabulous existence. Yeah, that’s it. If I can save up enough stuff, the Rosenbaum Historical Center will be a giant success, a family business, if you will, and it will provide all the funds needed to support my descendants for many generations. This will be my finest achievement, establishing a dynasty that will last into eternity, all built on a chirping clock and 20,000 digitized photos. So, really, kids, I’m doing all of this for you. While my kids are feeling ever so lucky about their upcoming inheritance, this would be a good time for the rest of you to click here to subscribe to Dad Writes. Also, make your reservations for the Rosenbaum Historical Center, because tickets are going fast.
12 Comments
Linda
2/28/2023 11:14:33 am
Please call me ASAP...I have several cartons of items which I would gladly donate to the Rosenbaum museum!!
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Dad Writes
2/28/2023 03:35:25 pm
First, you'll have to make sure your kids don't want them. Also your grandkids and great grandkids.
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Linda
2/28/2023 03:59:19 pm
They can all see them when they visit the Rosenbaum Museum...and they will all be in one place!
The Kingfish
2/28/2023 11:22:42 am
Can't wait until Antiques Roadshow comes to town so I can get my MMMS badge and copy of "Hospital Convulsions" appraised.
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Dad Writes
2/28/2023 03:36:26 pm
I also have the record that Stan Lee sent. How much is that worth?
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The Kingfish
2/28/2023 04:54:44 pm
Not sure, but its a gas.
David Brimm
2/28/2023 11:25:10 am
Hope I'm around for the opening of the Rosenbaum Historical Museum. Should be boffo.
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Dad Writes
2/28/2023 03:37:04 pm
I'll be wearing my penguin suit.
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Linda Rosenbaum Paull
2/28/2023 12:07:41 pm
Addition: Years ago, Sunny gave me two of Bubbie's statues from the breakfront (sp?), admitting in advance that they are ugly. So now I have two ugly statues that belonged to Bubbie that I never had the heart to get rid of...but now, I have the perfect solution!
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Dad Writes
2/28/2023 03:37:53 pm
Our Ugly Statue Wing won't be opening until 2037. Be patient.
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Sunny Gold
2/28/2023 12:12:36 pm
I have pictures of Bubbe Libby and Mr. Pressman and zadie moshe that would look so great in the museum foyer. I think I can part with them to this amazing endeavor.
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Dad Writes
2/28/2023 03:39:44 pm
Charles Pressman's heirs have offered $20 million for that photo, which might be enough to pay for our Ugly Statue Wing.
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Who writes this stuff?Dadwrites oozes from the warped mind of Michael Rosenbaum, an award-winning author who spends most of his time these days as a start-up business mentor, book coach, photographer and, mostly, a grandfather. All views are his alone, largely due to the fact that he can’t find anyone who agrees with him. Archives
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