Time to make the dictionary much shorter

I don’t wanna sound like some PC cop or First-Amendment hater, but there are some words I never want to hear again. They really don’t mean what they’re supposed to mean or, even worse, maybe they do. Either way, it’s time we stopped saying…

Side hustle. I have to work two jobs to make ends meet, but I want to feel like I’m hip and cool, so I’ll call it my side hustle. No, no, and, did I mention, no. Nobody in the C-Suite has a side hustle. Nobody who owns three companies refers to two of them as side hustles. The only people with side hustles are delivering Uber Eats or trying to start a business as a way to escape their crappy day jobs. Stop. It.

Tragedy. Okay, there really are tragedies in the world, but let’s stop calling it a tragedy when some guy heads to the shopping mall to kill a dozen people. That’s not a tragedy. It’s a murder, an assault, an act of domestic terrorism, but not a tragedy. It’s a tragedy when a car runs off the road and a family is killed. It’s a tragedy when a toddler dies. When it’s a crime, it’s a crime, not a tragedy.

Conservative. Yes, there really are conservatives in the world and I count myself among them. Well, I did count myself among them until the entire term got hijacked by isolationists, insurrectionists, neo-Nazis, anarchists, and know-nothings. At least the far-lefties call themselves “progressives” and not “liberals,” so we know how to tell them apart. I believe in free speech, but we should start jailing all the frauds who call themselves conservative when they’re really just jerks.

Widespread fraud. Speaking of frauds, it’s time the mainstream media found another term to use in all their election stories. I get it. You cannot say there was no fraud at all in the 2020 election. There is always someone who votes twice or votes in the wrong precinct or votes after dying, or all of the above. Still, when the media say there wasn’t enough “widespread fraud” to change the results, they’re keeping the door open for everyone who bases their belief on any fraud at all.

Bully. If you ever want to sound really weak and helpless and victim-y, call somebody a bully. Of course, there are lots of people who push others around and use their position or strength or intellect to cow others into submission. No doubt about it. Still, nobody has ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, had an epiphany and changed her ways after being called a bully. Frankly, the word makes me cringe, so everyone who says it is actually bullying me. Please stop. I’m very sensitive about this stuff.

Woke. So the people who hate cultural appropriation decided to appropriate a bit of Black vernacular and transform it into a way to bully people who might engage in cultural appropriation. Who could possibly disagree with that?

As long as I’m on a roll here, I’m not exactly thrilled with both sides, whatabout, triggered or poutine, either, but we’ll have to wait for my next rant on those. Gotta head out to my side hustle at Wokester's Digest, and it would be a tragedy if I’m delayed by some conservative bully.
 
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