True believers inside and out

Entering the danger zone with a bit of humor about senses of humor, praising a nation of the faithful, and the only thing that’s preventing me from being ridiculously rich this week:
 

1. I finally figured out why I’m not a billionaire. It’s not for lack of talent or hard work or social skills. It turns out I need an algorithm. And I’m going to get one, as soon as I find out what it is.
2. I end up in occasional meetings where almost everyone is of a similar political bent and someone will make a comment that presumes 100% agreement with their views. I always feel badly for the one or two people in the room who suddenly feel very much out of place.
3. Nothing good happens after your fourth drink. Luckily, you are unlikely to remember the hilarity that ensues.
4. When you write that nothing good happens after your fourth drink, are you sharing just a bit too much information?
5. We live in a country that’s filled with people of deep, unquestioning faith. Pedestrians have great faith that you won't run them over as they walk across the street while staring at their cell phones, cyclists have faith nobody will step in front of them while they’re texting, and drivers have faith that you’ll know they’re about to slow down even if they never use a turn signal.  Hallelujah. I believe.
6. I remember when you might ask if someone was kidding about something and they would admit they weren't being serious, but now it appears everyone is serious about everything and nobody can take a joke. Or make one. Soon, I will be the funniest man in the world. Actually, I will be the funniest person, male or female, because women have no sense of humor. See? All of you ladies got mad at that, didn't you?
7. It appears that the beggar outside the Dunkin’ Donuts is making more money than the woman behind the counter. Of course, she gets to work indoors, but I suspect his earnings are tax free. She probably has the better deal, but her edge is remarkably slim.
8. If I was famous enough, you’d think I was smart. I heard that from someone the other day, and they’re probably right.

 
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