Use these tax saving tips before it's too late

Tax time is just around the corner and, once again, Dad Writes is here to save our readers $trillions in unnecessary payments to the evil jackbooted thugs at the Internal Revenue Service.

Don’t be intimidated by the impenetrable forms and rules that the government puts out to cower us into compliance, and ignore all the so-called “experts” like “certified” public accountants. We’re just as certifiable as any of them and we know what the mainstream media won’t tell you.

Everyone knows there are two sets of rules in terms of tax liability. One is for the poor schlubs who pay all the bills and the other is for the ultra-rich, the people who can afford yachts and islands and an entire Disney+ bundle. The ultra-rich have their own tax code, which is how they pay 0.07% of their income in taxes while the rest of us are tossing back a quarter for every buck we earn. Never fear, though, because there are plenty of special tax tricks for regular folks, if you know where to look.

We hacked the IRS system, or, um, we heard from a friend of a friend that someone else—not us—might have hacked into the IRS system, and we might have found some super-secret tax breaks just lying on the street. Yes, that’s it. But now that we found those tax breaks, quite by accident and with no hacking whatsoever, we are exercising our First Amendment Rights to share them with our readers.

For instance, did you know…

1. If the Air Force shot down one of your weather balloons, it’s a fully deductible casualty loss. If your balloon was destroyed and unidentifiable, no worries. Just send in a photo of a balloon and tell the IRS how much it was worth.
   
   
2. If your self-driving car ran off the road and killed a moose, you can deduct the cost of the car, but you must recognize the moose as income. However, if you only grazed the moose, you can claim it as a dependent.
   
   
3. If you’re one of the countless Americans with classified documents taking space in your guest bedroom, the cost of storage is fully deductible, as long as you’ve filed Form 4546 with the FBI.
   
   
4. If you’re being forced back into the office, but you still work at home sometimes, you can deduct the cost of your travel from one “office” to another. You’re not commuting anymore so it’s inter-office travel and fully deductible. Well, we think that’s the new rule. Try it out and let us know how it goes.
   
   
5. If you lost money on an investment tip from George Santos, the loss is not deductible because, seriously, you should have known better.
   
   
6. If you bought a bunch of flag lapel pins to show you’re a true American, but now you have to replace them with AR-15 lapel pins, you can deduct 50 times the cost of the originals, one for each star. However, this deduction only applies if the pin was made in the USA and not China, so forget it.
   
   
7. If you sent a politician an emergency donation of $7 before midnight, but you still didn’t get your country back, you might be able to write off the payment, since it was really a loss due to fraud and not a political contribution.
   
   
8. If you did get your country back, you must declare the entire value of the United States as a capital gain, minus our national debt and, of course, the $7 you sent by midnight.
   
   
9. If you lost 100% of your investment in crypto currency, it’s fully deductible, assuming you can prove that crypto had any real value to begin with.
   
   
10. If you lost 100% of your investment in a Non-Fungible Token, it’s fully deductible, assuming you can prove that NFTs had any real value to begin with.
    
    
11. If you lost 100% of your investment in meme stocks…you get the idea.
    
    
12. If you won a bet after getting into an argument with someone on Twitter and they actually conceded that you were right and they were wrong, you owe no taxes on your winnings. That’s because the tax code doesn’t apply when you are clearly living in a parallel universe.
    
    
13. If you spent $500,000 entertaining a "friend" you met after he or she became a Supreme Court Justice, you must pay a 35% gift tax on your expenditure. If you consider it a marketing or lobbying expense, you may deduct the full cost. The Supreme Court Justice does not need to declare anything.
    

 
There’s much more, of course, including the special tax credit for defaulting on your student loans, the 150% deduction for hosting a banned book bonfire, and the always popular “cash receipts” switcheroo. Unfortunately, we can’t divulge all the secrets here, so you’ll have to ask your tax professional about those other tax-saving techniques.

We’re not allowed to disclose how many trillions of dollars our subscribers have saved by following our unique tax advice, but let’s just say it’s well worth the price of clicking here to subscribe.
 
 
 

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